5 Phrases that will Help Support Loved Ones in Difficult Times
And five more things you shouldn’t say.
The right words can calm, reassure and alleviate stress, but they can be very difficult to find.
The main thing here is to remember that support is not a detailed analysis of the actions of a particular situation (unless, of course, you have been asked to compose one) and certainly not a “well-meaning” accusation.
Below we give some examples of how not to comfort your loved ones, so as not to make things worse, and how to put into words sincere sympathy and a desire to help.
What not to say to loved ones?
Let’s start with things that are more likely to upset or anger the loved one. By the way, if you are still looking for a strong relationship, the eden dating app will help you with it.
Avoid these phrases in your comforting speech.
- You choose what to think and feel. Just don’t think of bad things, meditate, or read a book.
The extent to which a person is responsible for his thoughts and feelings is a moot point.
Reaction to external events depends on the characteristics of the nervous system, previous experiences, and even the state of the body at a particular moment – hormonal fluctuations, intestinal microflora, the level of inflammation, and much more.
A person will not voluntarily drive himself into depression and prolong a bad mood. If he does, there are reasons. You just don’t know about them.
By claiming responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, you kind of hint to the person that he is to blame for his problems, you devalue suffering and offer a “simple” and impossible scenario in many situations.
- You have no reason to complain! Some people have it much worse, and they live just fine.
When we have problems, the rest of the world becomes distant and irrelevant.
Yes, some people are worse off, but what does it matter when you are the worse off?
By reminiscing about other people’s problems, you first devalue the suffering of your loved one, and second, you appeal to their feelings of guilt. Don’t do that.
- Think about your loved ones-they’re hurting, too.
When a person gets into a difficult situation, it’s not just them who suffer, but their lo as well. Especially children need a functional parent, confidence in their actions, and a bright future.
But being reminded of this is the worst thing you can do. If a person is emotionally exhausted and under constant stress, they simply cannot physically communicate, care, and give love the way they used to. And reminding yourself of this will only increase the guilt.
- You just need to start exercising. It helps you worry less.
I truly believe that a good workout reduces anxiety and gives you strength. I keep wanting to tell those who complain, worry, or get upset, “Just do an interval, and you’ll be as calm as an elephant for one night.” But that’s a bad way to be supportive. It doesn’t work. I know, because I’ve tried it.
Everyone has their way of working out, and it rarely starts at a bad time.
It can take several years to form the habit of working out, enjoying it, and realizing that movement saves one from bad thoughts. And the person is feeling bad right now.
Such advice will, at best, cause a sad smile, and at worst, make the person feel guilty for not doing anything to alleviate their condition.
- Are you okay? Is everything okay? Are things getting better? (many times in a row).
If you see or know there is no “okay,” don’t ask this trivial question. By starting every conversation this way, you’re kind of broadcasting your expectations that your loved one can’t live up to.
It’s hard to upset your loved ones, it’s painful to destroy their hopes, and it’s unfair to lie to reassure them. By asking this question, you run the risk of driving the person into even more stress and depriving them of the support they need.
What to say to support your loved one? And if you are not in love yet, but would like to find your love check here
You can change the phrases depending on the situation, the main thing is to keep the essence.
1. Is there anything I can do to help?
This way you’ll show that you’re ready for concrete action, so that your loved one won’t have to ask for help-you’ll offer it yourself. Just refrain from imposing what seems right to you.
It’s better to listen to what he needs.
For example, if your loved one refuses to take money, you can help him or her in another way – by taking over some of his or her worries or by being with him or her in difficult moments.
2. I understand why you are so upset.
People don’t always talk about their problems so that someone will solve them or give them good advice. Often a person just needs to be listened to and understood.
Don’t claim you know how he or she feels or have experienced the same thing, look for parallels to your life and pull out your own experiences. Especially if what is happening to him is unfamiliar to you.
Just tell him that you understand why his terribleness is terrible and you’re sorry he had to face the situation. Acceptance and understanding provide support. Sort of telling him, “What you’re experiencing is normal. You have a right to feel that way.”
3. What do you think might help in this situation?
Even if you’re sure you know the solution to the problem, you shouldn’t advise before you’ve been asked. Another thing to do is to ask what your loved one is going to do about the situation.
Firstly, it shows that you care about him. Secondly, in the process of discussion, the person may come up with interesting ideas and unexpected solutions.
In addition, you can find out what kind of help he needs and offer your services. And finally, advise if he asks for it.
4. Let’s go for a walk.
Walking refers to physical activity, and it does help relieve stress and lift your mood.
Even a 10-minute walk can improve things, so if your loved one isn’t in the mood for a long promenade, suggest a short route – going around the house or walking to the nearest store.
A combination of conversation, fresh air, and physical activity should be beneficial.
If the situation allows, you can offer together to do sports: jogging, going with you to the gym or the pool, playing badminton. Just do not insist – if your loved one says “no,” take his refusal without offense and persuasion.
5. Remember that I will always support you. If you need anything, I’ll be there for you.
In a difficult situation, a person needs to know that he has someone to lean on. Even if right now he does not need your help and will never ask for it.
Often, in difficult times, a person becomes estranged from family and friends and withdraws into himself. At the same time, social isolation and loneliness have devastating effects on health.
As one meta-analysis noted, being lonely is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or suffering from alcohol addiction. And twice as dangerous as being obese.
By reminding your loved one that he or she is not alone and can always turn to you for help – physical and moral – you help break the social isolation.
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